living in some sort of simulation of my own depression. "last time i stayed in bed all day, sad and exhausted and sick, i listened to this album, trying to fall asleep, [groggy sleep with crusty eyes and sore limbs that you're only going through for the sake of not being awake] and so i will listen to it today again as i lie in bed"
my actions are simulations of themselves, yesterday i woke up and went on discord and listened to music, and today i will do that as well. yesterday, this album made me feel certain things and i hope to feel them again so i will listen to it again
now everything rings with a hollow clatter. the keys on my keyboard ring sharply with a dull and flat emptiness, the song in my ears like a monotone buzzing that only seems to evoke the feeling of having felt something
no longer can i feel things sincerely, i must feel things that i have set myself out to feel, that i have felt before and can no longer feel now. i will say them over and over, and simulate them with the full range of media i have available to me, but they will remain shadows on a wall
my words are slurred, my fingers are slow, my head is numb and buzzing all at once, i have nothing to say and nothing to think, i am unable to read words on a screen, i have been broken down into dry dust and powders and scattered in the stale air of my room, layered thick on deskchair, bed, keyboard, toilet seat, carpet and floor