i am spited by the world and its vague, ineffable, intangible forces. i only know to hurl spite back. inside, i am bitter and ugly. i am utterly disgusted with people, but that's only because i held hope. over the years i will be ground and whittled down until i am nothing. i am filled with spite and bile.
like driving a car up a hill, subtle external forces will always pull you down and chip away at you with tiny, minutious frictions. existence is a long battle of attrition.

so utterly disappointed and disgusted. so sick of myself. so sick of being passed over and left out. i feel like i've been robbed, yet no one has robbed me, and i couldn't even pin it all on myself either. call it Them, call it g*d, call it chance, call it whatever you please.